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Moronics

Posted by on July 5, 2013
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In 1975 a book came out that attempted to define the words and terminologies used by the black urban youth under the label Ebonics.  In 1996 the Oakland, CA School Board even went as far as declaring Ebonics to be its own distinct language.  As of today I would like to declare a new language as well, only this time it has to do with the words and terminologies used by the modern liberal media.  I would like to call this new language Moronics.  Here are a few examples of this new language and their accompanying English translations: 

Economic Recovery…..This is the act of going from a $90K/year IT job with full benefits to a part time, minimum wage job with no benefits stocking shelves at the local Wal-Mart. 

Infrastructure Investments…..Obama’s bundler’s did their part to help get him elected and now they “gots to gets paid!” 

Affordable Care Act…..Yes, we know it’s really all about rationing, death panels, and will ultimately bankrupt the country.  However, it’s not like conservatives didn’t try to warn you!  Next time try reading the bill, STUPID! 

Revenue Enhancements…..Basically, it’s that which you’ve earned through your own blood sweat and tears which is about to get redistributed to those who are free to maintain a life of gluttony, apathy, and sloth in exchange for their vote. 

Freedom…..You can do whatever you desire as long as it’s exactly what we tell you to do, think, believe, etc. and only if you do it in a fair collective manner that doesn’t offend those around you or use any form of natural resources that we consider verboten.  Preferably it involves something that can be taxed, but that Mayor Bloomberg hasn’t already banned. 

Independence…..This is the act of declaring your dependence on the government. 

Patriotism…..This is the act of surrendering all logic, reasoning, and rational thought in exchange for the privilege of worshipping at the feet of the “anointed one” Obama…..and to keep the IRS off your back. 

Hate Speech…..This supposedly occurs anytime a conservative commentator, political figure, or Tea Party member performs the simple act of breathing. 

Comprehensive Immigration Reform…..This is when we’re finally able to “legally” register all those millions of currently unregistered future democratic voters. 

Domestic Terrorist…..This is anyone who is foolish enough to believe that the U.S. Constitution actually means what it says. 

Equality…..This is the act of creating classes of “victims” and then providing them with special treatment in order to compensate them for their victimhood in exchange for their vote. 

Tolerance…..This is the belief that anyone who might be straight, patriotic, Christian, or conservative is the lowest forms of life on earth and therefore must acquiesce their own lifestyles, practices, and beliefs to those of others so as to not be viewed as “offensive” to anyone. 

Wealthy…..This is a completely arbitrary designation aimed at those people who may have earned, yet have the unmitigated gall to still possess the stuff that you want.  Whoever said “possession is 9/10ths of the law” obviously never met a Liberal. 

Compassion…..This is the term used when confiscating the property of  the “Wealthy” listed above, and redistributing it at random for the sole purpose of self-gratification without any regard to the long term consequences of such actions. 

Climate Change…..This is an attempt to take over control of the world by making fools believe that we can keep the sun from rising in the East every morning. 

Due to the limited amount of space I have for this commentary I can’t possibly provide every translation necessary for you to understand how to speak fluent Moronics.  Therefore, I’m considering writing a new upcoming book titled “Moronics for Dummies”.  In the meantime you should consider starting a petition drive demanding that CNN, CBS, ABC, and MSNBC all begin providing closed captioning sub-titles for the politically impaired.

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